No,no not this!
by wildwolfy
Summary: Lily and the Marauders switch genders, Dumbledore refuses to help them until they can get along. Now they want to get back at him. it is going to be the prank of a lifetime, and laughs to go around.
1. Chapter 1

No, no not this!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters or places.

James was sitting in between Peter and Sirius, who were whining about completely random stuff, Remus sat behind them and kept rolling his eyes every time they changed the subject, which led to more bickering. James sat there staring at Lily, of course, like always. Lily just ignored the eyes that bored into her back.

"Oi, James, hello," Sirius's voice shook James back from his reverie, "as I was saying for the 80th time, we should put on a prank, any suggestions?"

James was almost lost staring at lily again when and idea of a prank came in mind. "You know how Snape has been seeing that girl?" he asked, being rewarded with confused nods, "well it would be so funny if we got that potion that makes people change genders and then see the look on the faces of those two stupid Slytherin's when they realize that they are a different gender."

"Prongs," Sirius said, looking, well, serious, "that is bloody brilliant." He then burst into an evil smile. Remus just started hitting his head on the table. They were taking potions at this time and they started learning about potions for disguise and along that category was the potion of gender change. When first learning that they would be taught that potion Remus suspected that it wouldn't end well, his suspicions were correct.

Their potions teacher always kept freshly brewed samples in the cupboards. Later that night they would sneak in and steal the gender changing sample and when Snape and his girlfriend were talking and unaware, they would throw the capsule right between the two and when they woke up the next morning they would have already changed genders.

The Marauders sat in the common room, James with invisibility cloak at hand, and waited for the clock to strike midnight (I really don't know what is up with the midnight stuff it is such a cliché, but they are fun anyways). Finally the clock struck, Remus groaned, "How do I always get into these messes?" it was barely audible, but Sirius heard.

"Well, old chap, we, as marauders, must stick together, and stick together we shall," and with that he waved his wand and they stuck together.

"Sirius, you blockhead, why did you do that?" said James, sounding a little pissed off.

"Well as I said, we as Mara- "

"Just shut up," James nearly yelled.

"Wow, I think it's someone's time of the month." Sirius got a snicker from Peter at this remark, a glare from Remus, and a smack at the back of the head from James.

"Shut up, you ass, or someone'll hear us." They continued there trip to the dungeons. Sirius was glaring at James the whole way. They were almost there, when he finally spoke up.

"I'm not an ass." He said it rather sulkily.

"Fine, you're a mutt, now shut up." They made it to the dungeon and James quickly ran to the cupboard and carefully grabbed the right potion. They ran back to the common room all of them, with the exception of Remus, couldn't wait until the morning came. They slept peacefully that night.

The next morning they woke up, most of them were grinning with the thought of the prank that they would be pulling later that day. They would wait until before curfew, usually Snape met Cathline, as her name was, right in front of the great hall before curfew hit. It was the perfect time to strike.

They spent a lot of their class time working on it and perfecting it, they had no way of knowing that it would go terribly wrong. After all their classes they headed out to the great hall and ate a quick dinner, they decided they would stop by the kitchen on their way to the common room.

"Damn," James said, realizing a tiny flaw in their plan.

"What?" Sirius asked, a little worried.

"I forgot my damn cloak."

"Great! Now the whole plan is ruined."

"Oh, stop being a drama queen." Sirius glared at this comment, "I'll just go back to the dorm and get it."

"Well, we're going with you," Sirius said in a huff, "We don't want you do ruin anything else." With that the four of them ran to their room, James quickly went through his trunk and found what he was looking for. He grabbed the cloth, "ok, let's go."

They ran as quickly as they could out of the common room, paying no attention to the screams of the fat lady for disturbing her. They didn't want to be late. They were half way to the entrance to the Great hall when they bumped into Lily. Sirius, who was holding the potion at the time, immediately dropped it, do to the collision. A big puff of purple smoke came up, covering them with the same color dust.

"What the hell was that, Potter? And what the hell do you think you four are doing?" Lily asked coughing from the dust.

"Nothing, Evens." Sirius responded for him.

"You know that I know that this is not nothing." Lily gestured to the purple stuff covering her robe. They kept silent.

"Fine, don't answer but if I find out that it was intended to be used for a prank, which I will and it is, I'm gathering, then I will have the obligation to punish you, which I'm surprised Remus hasn't already." She left with an annoyed look on her face. They each looked at each other with worried looks on their faces, not because of Lily but because the potion went all over them.

"Maybe there wasn't enough potion to make us change," Remus looked at James skeptically.

"Oh, well we will just have to see tomorrow morning." Remus sighed, he knew that someday they would have to face the consequences of their pranks, but he never imagined that it would be from their doing.

"You are a clod, you know that don't you, Pads?"

When they finally cleaned up the mess in the hall, magically, and made it to the common room, they reassured each other that the potion wasn't going to make them change. Remus still had his doubts, but went along with it.

The next morning they woke up, to tired to think about the events before.

"Hey, Pads," wait James's voice was a little more high pitched then he remembered.

"What, Prongs?" Sirius noticed that his voice, too, was also changed.

Peter and Remus also noted the changed in Sirius and James, they flicked the lights on and paled, they were now girls. They were pulled out of there thoughts about the matter when they heard the scream, they had completely forgot about Lily the night before. They came rushing out of the dorm to see what was up the same minute that a boy came out of the girls' dorm; his face was red with anger.

"You stupid, idiotic, twisted-"apparently he couldn't think of anything else to say because he was struggling in thought.

"Lily?" James asked timidly.

"I should have known that this was a prank. You wanted to test it on Snape, didn't you?" they paled some more. "And Remus, you were going to let them do this, you are just as bad as they are, no, you are worse, a prefect letting his friends turn innocent people into different genders."

"Wait! Innocent? You think Snivellius is innocent?" the female James asked, outraged.

"Well, I've never seen him do anything to you that you didn't deserve; in fact, I think that he is way too easy on you, if he does anything at all."

James looked on at the boy, he had Lily's gorgeous red hair and her wonderful green eyes, '_Damn if I were a girl- oh wait, right'_ James's thoughts rambled on, he had always wondered what Lily would be like if she were of the male gender, now he gets to find out…………..there isn't much of a difference.

"Well, I guess that we will have to see Dumbledore about this?"

"Oh, right." They headed towards the headmasters office.

"Owl bogeys." James said loud and clear, Lily gave him a confused look. "I'm in here all the time." James explained. They reached the end of the stair case and knocked, the door silently opened and Dumbledore was sitting at his desk.

"What may I do the honors of at this untimely visit?" The headmaster said casually. "Oh, and would you also care for some tea?" The five rejected politely.

"Well, sir," Lily started explaining, "we had an accident with the gender changing potion and would like to go back to our original state." _Wow she sure gets to the point._ James was thinking again.

"Well, as much as I can understand that, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"And why not?" male Lily asked, getting aggravated at Dumbledore's unwillingness to grant their request.

"You and Mr. Potter, here," he made a gesture acknowledging them, "have had a great deal of problems since coming into this school, I have never been able to think of a proper way to handle the situation so you two could get along better, but apparently you have found the perfect thing to reach each others understandings. And Mr. Lupin, I guess you will have to think about things more clearly before running around and pulling pranks out of a hat with them (this comment made the other marauders wince), so you will stay the way you are until Miss Evens and Mr. Potter are able to get along." Remus nodded.

"And as for the other two," he continued, "I'm sure that we can reach and understanding when I say that Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin will greatly enjoy your company, so you will also remain the gender you currently are for the amount of time as the others. Am I clear?" everyone nodded. "Good now we have to come up with a good cover up. I say that the Marauders have been under temporary expulsion, excluding Mr. Lupin, whose family member has fallen ill. Miss Evens, you are on an extra curriculum trip to one of the foreign wizarding schools for a project. Miss Evens, you are now to be known as Mr. Erik Lambrige, Mr. Potter you are Miss Jamie Richards, Mr. Lupin Miss Rachel Carbons, Mr. Pettigrew Miss Amy Hanson, and Mr. Black you are Miss Sarah Rant. So I think that now we have every thing in order, except Mr. Lambrige comes from Durmstrong, and you four come from Burxbaton, am I clear?" they all nodded. "Well then you are excused." He turned back to his work making it clear that there was nothing left to discuss.

There was no way that he was going to get away with that, the marauders (well now they will have to change their title) are going to pranks him, and they will prank him good, with the aid of Lily, a.k.a, Erik.

A/N: Hope you like it, it'll get better. I'm thinking about having Sirius make out with himself. Yeah I'm still thinking of a good prank that they play on Dumbledore. Lily is only participating in the prank because she is pissed at Dumbledore. R and R. oh, and sorry about any grammar errors.


	2. Chapter 2: Prejudiced against a werewolf

Ha, ha this chapter is going to rock. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2: prejudiced against a werewolf

The marauders plus Lily made their way to the common room so that they could try and figure out a prank to teach the old geezer not to mess with them; they found it empty because everyone was at the Great hall for breakfast.

"Hmmmm, I wonder what I look like?" Sirius turned to the others and they got a good look at each other and made their ways to their dorms, or rather the now female marauders to the boys' dorm and the now male Lily to the girls'. They had just reached the steps separating the dorms when they realized their mistake.

When they finally got there dorms right they entered and examined each other in the mirrors. I'm not going to give another description of what Lily looks like so now for the marauders. James had long black hair and soft brown eyes, he was rather skinny and his clothes bagged on him. Peter was still fat and didn't look as good as the other three, his mousy hair had grown, but barely to shoulder length, he had freckles all over the place, which made him look worse. Remus had shoulder length sandy hair; he was a little skinnier then James and Sirius, his eyes were a wonderful shade of green and looked knowledgeable, when he saw himself he smiled a bit. Sirius had looked the best out of the four of them, typical, his hair had grown to his shoulder blades, he had light grey eyes, when seeing himself he started practicing flirting.

"I look HOT!"

"Yes rub it in," Sirius glared a little at James for that comment.

"Maybe we should go and grab a quick breakfast and head out to our first class." Remus suggested, he was the smartest one, as it should be. They changed into the proper clothing. Lily met them at the end of the staircase; she also changed clothing, with a big smile on her, _hem hem_, his face.

"I don't look as bad as I thought." And with that they headed out to the common room together. Once they reached it the guys notices Sirius, or now known as Sarah, and started wolf whistling. Sirius, being the way he was, wanted to tease them a little, so he, no wait, she started pulling her skirt up a little exposing some more leg then necessary, half of the boys stood up immediately, and I must say, very curious, and the other half looked in shock, most of the girls just glared. Sirius was pulled down in his seat by Lily, _hem hem_, Erik.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Just having a bit of fun," and with that he started batting his eyelashes at her, she just grunted and turned to her food.

"Lucky you the teachers didn't notice." Lily muttered under her breath. The other four glanced at the teachers table to find none of them have noticed, except for Dumbledore, who had a twinkle in his eye. Sirius gulped audibly, Dumbledore then turned and continued his conversation with McGonagall, who was trying to get his attention back to what they were talking about.

The students were getting ready to leave for their first class, when Dumbledore stood and got everyone's attention.

"I am aware that you all are anxious to get to your first class so I will make this brief. We have five new students transferred form Beauxbaton (sorry for the misspelling in the first chapter) and Durmstrong. As you may know the Marauders, as they so called themselves," this earned snorts from the direction of the 'new girls,' "and Miss Evens have been absent from Breakfast this morning, they had to leave the castle for a while for their own reasons that I'm not going to explain in details, just that they have either been temporarily expelled," gasps are heard in the common room, " sick family members," understanding nods, " or a school project," most of the students rolled their eyes, seeing this Lily grunted again, " but we have a new collection that will be staying for the while that they are not, I would like to introduce you to Mr. Erik Lambrige," Lily stood and nodded, crowd claps, " Miss Amy Hanson," peter stood awkwardly, crowd stars a little before giving a mediocre applause, peter then looked disappointed, "miss Rachel Carbons," Remus stood up and waved, "Miss Jamie Richards," James just stayed seated waving, some of the guys eyed him with interest, " and last but defiantly not least, Miss Sarah Rant," he shot up and started bowing, the guys started wolf whistling again, and the girls glared, Dumbledore chuckled a little bit. "Now I would like you to treat the newcomers with the utmost respect and help them if needed; now you are excused to class."

As they made their way to class they got stares from the boys and glances from the girls.

"Oh, so what are we going to do about the situation, date wise I mean?" the others gave Sirius a weird glance. "I mean it would feel downright weird if I go snogging a guy."

"Yeah, but I don't think you would really care as long as you are snogging someone." James said smirking.

"Hey, I resent that."

"Oh shit." This was Remus (gasps). They all turned their gazes to Remus, James and Sirius had their eyebrows raised. "Oh nothing, I was just thinking about a 'furry little problem,'" he was referring to being a werewolf, the other three excluding Lily, because she didn't know about Remus's problem, were aware of what he was thinking and then had troubled looks.

"Well I don't think that we should worry about it quite yet," James said reassuring his friend.

"I know, but it is coming soon, in a few days actually." James and Sirius raised their eyebrows, but this time in fright. What will they do about this issue? Well maybe being of the different sex will help the poor werewolf be a little gentler during the transformation, but nothing can be sure.

"I think that, even though we may not want to, we should see Dumbledore about this matter, but I don't think that it'll make much of a difference." They had forgotten that Lily was still walking beside them until she spoke up.

"what is going on?" she looked really concerned for Remus, luckily when they were talking they didn't give anything away, "what do you need to talk to Dumbledore about, and what won't make much of a difference?" _Bugger, I wish that I could just reach over and kiss her, oh right, I can't. I hate being a girl._ While James was thinking this, the others were trying to change the subject to avoid the questions.

"Fine, don't answer the question, this is my class anyways, so, I'll see you later." She gave them one last glance then walked in.

"Damn, that was close, hey, Prongs, snap out of it." Sirius slapped James in the back of the head, James immediately snapped out of his thoughts when the hand made contact.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"You were daydreaming about Lily again."

"Shhhh, will you guys keep it down, people are staring." They looked around, and sure enough Remus was right, people were staring with interest in the conversation.

"We are practicing for a school play that will occur at our school sometime soon, I will be in the leading part." James snorted upon hearing this.

"What?"

"You may not have a lot of brains, but we love you for your modesty." Remus was trying really hard to stifle his laughter when saying this.

"Padfoot isn't modest."

"Jeeze, Wormtail that was a joke." James said. As you can clearly tell, Peter wasn't the brightest in the group.

"Oh."

"Well we should get to class before we are late." They quickly sped off to their class. They took their seats in the back, as usual.

"The marauders used to sit there, you know." They recognized the boys face but couldn't remember his name.

"Oh, that's great." Remus answered awkwardly. It is kind of intimidating having someone you hardly know, telling you where a bunch of now expelled trouble makers used to sit. The boy just smiled and turned back to the front of the class. When his back was turned the four boys, no girls, gave each other a questioning look and could tell that they wanted to laugh out loud.

They had potions, which they didn't like much (but it is better then having Snape, thank god) their teacher was professor Slughorn. They were still working on how to make a potion that will disguise your scent from unwanted predators; the next potion to be taught was going to be the gender changing potion. The marauders groaned. They had enough bad experience with that potion to last the rest of their lives.

"Now, can anyone tell me what predators you would want to cover your scent from?" everyone sat quiet, even Remus, until Snape finally raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Snape."

He smiled while he answered the question, "werewolves." He glanced back at were Remus usually sat only to find a girl sitting in his place, he then frowned. He wasn't at breakfast so he didn't hear about the 'Marauders expulsion' and the 'new students.' Remus sat there, pale, he knew that it would come up and that was the reason he, she, didn't want to answer the question.

"very good, Mr. Snape, twenty points to Slytherin," Slughorn looked excited about his answer, " yes, werewolves are the number one predators that you want to keep your scent from," this comment made Remus pale even more, "they are quite dangerous and are not the creatures to meddle with."

"They are disgusting, they should be executed. They are nothing more then a nuisance and should not live among us more sophisticated and intelligible _people_." The Slytherin that said that emphasized 'people' to make a point that werewolves are nothing more then common animals.

"I shouldn't go as far as to say _that_, Mr. Entchins, but yes, it would be wise to avoid them if at all possible, they do not take pity in their victims." Remus looked extremely pale and kept slumping back at every comment made against werewolves.

"Professor," James noticing Remus's actions got Slughorn's attention, "I think we need to go to the hospital wing." He was motioning towards Remus.

"Yes, I think that you should take your friend to the hospital wing, she doesn't look well, it is probably the flu that is going around." The four went out as quickly as they could, while the class continued their conversation on werewolves before moving on to other creatures that people have to look out for. They never went to the hospital wing, but instead to the common room where they sat by the fire in silence. After a while James couldn't take it anymore and spoke up.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I think that I'll be fine, I just wish that they wouldn't deride my kind. I mean I can't help the fact that once a month I turn into some kind of-" James cut him off.

"Oh, don't you say it, I swear, if you even utter that word about yourself I will hurt you more then any transformation or cruciatus curse can." Remus smiled at what his dear friend had said, he had been about to say 'monster' when James had cut him off. His friends knew what he was and accepted him; they also knew how he felt about people prejudiced against werewolves. His friends came over and hugged him, he was lucky to have such friends as James, Sirius, and even Peter, he hugged them back and they silently stayed there as one hugging group, hugging each other in comfort and happiness.

Well, that was fun. Thanks to my reviewers.

Anna Tramell: I'm glad you like it. Yeah, I love how they like to fight, some of it can get quite amusing.

Asterisk Truly: Thanks.

katgurl22551: sorry about that, I'll try and slow it down a little bit. I'm happy you enjoyed it.

Thanks again reviewers. The next chapter will be coming soon, hopefully. Remember peoples' read and review. Oh, and any ideas or suggestion's about this story will be great. I'm just making it up as I go, my fingers are doing the typing and all I'm doing is sitting back and watching the show. Hahaha, that rhymes.


	3. Chapter 3: To quidditch tryouts

Sorry about the lateness in posting. Yeah I know the title is very Buzz Lightyear-ish, oh well. Oh remember to review when your done.

Chapter 3: To quidditch tryouts and beyond

The next morning James woke up and realized that today would be quidditch tryouts. The captain had put up tryouts to fill the positions of seeker and beater, played by James and Sirius. They decided that they would get up and tryout. James got out of bed and went over to Sirius and shook him, ummm, her awake.

"I don't want to go to Jupiter." Sirius grumbled in his sleep.

"Com'n get up, we have tryouts."

"mmmm. Ten more minutes, mum." James slapped him in the back of the head. "What was that for?" James shrugged.

They hurried and showered and dressed and then ran down to the quidditch pitch. They were five minutes late. They were surprised at how many people wanted to fill the positions of the infamous marauders, or those that made the team. It took nearly three hours to get through everyone once they got the people from the other houses to leave. Both Sirius and James made the cut, James a seeker, and Sirius a beater( although I think that Sirius only made the cut because he is so freakin' hot and most the guys were checking him out, and they would kill the captain if she didn't let him on. Hey what would you do if someone like that nearly flashed you? Answer: recruit them and hope it happens again, well for the boys that is). After ending tryouts they sped off to the common room, it was a beautiful Saturday and they wanted to spend it thinking up pranks and outside.

Remus was waiting for them in the common room eager to find out how tryouts went.

"We made it, Moony, we made it." James was practically shouting. Remus smiled and gave them a 'manly' hug (sorry I couldn't help myself manly is such a funny word, hahahaha) in congratulations. Peter wobbled down the stairs rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Wha's go'n on?"

"We made the team, Wormy my man." Sirius answered.

"That sounds great and all, but can we please work on trying to fix our little problem at hand." Lily said from behind them.

"Awwww, no victory kiss." James mock whined.

"Oh, shut up, I would slap you but I know the rule and it would make me look bad."

"Rule? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You can't hit girls." Remus answered Sirius's question for Lily.

"Oh, that's a rule? I always thought it was common sense." It was Peter who said this.

"It is."

"Oh"

"Ok, so what problem are we supposed to be working on?" James

"First, pranking Dumbledore. Second, turning ourselves back to our original genders."

"Oh"

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Peter

"Me and Rachel have been going to the library to look for any spells or potions to turn us back."

"Why can't we just use the potion that we made to turn ourselves back?" James

"Because it was made so that you would have to switch genders it wouldn't work with switching back."

"Oh"

"Stop saying that it's annoying."

"Oh- owww, jeeze what was that for?"

"I told you to stop saying that you should always heed the warning of a redhead."

"Yeah, I'll remember that next time."

"You'd better."

"So what about the prank?"

"I was doing research on that, too. I haven't found anything yet."

"It's always you and the library isn't it, Evens?"

"Oh, shut up, Potter."

"So do we have anything?" Remus

"I'm afraid not." Lily then went away from the group and headed away from the common room.

"Hey, Evens, Where are you going?"

"Library, Potter, and you don't have to know everywhere I go, or are you just going to stalk me?" she turned and left.

"Me likey the at-ti-tude." Sirius snapped and waved his hand on either side of him with every syllable of the last word (I always found it creepy anytime anyone did that).

"Siri?"

"Yes my dear prongs."

"You are an embarrassment to the name of the Marauders." Sirius went to the corner and pretended to cry and was a little disappointed when nobody fell for the trick but instead laughed.

"Man you guys can be so cruel." Sirius pouted.

"Haha, give it a break, pads, you look hilarious when your pretending to get emotional and anyway I'm still scared for life after what happened last time."

"What happened last time?" Remus had his eyebrow raised and looked very curious and somehow amused.

"What is going through your head?" Sirius had caught the slight hint of a smile and how he was trying so hard not to laugh.

"Nothing, I'm curious that's all."

"well, it was many years ago and when I first, in our first year met Siri over here and I was trying to show some magic which rebounded and ended up hitting Pads, it was the body binding curse, after finally getting him out of it he pretended to cry and I, being the greatest friend in the whole entire world," earns a snort from all of his other friends, "tried to give a helping hand he pounced me, but…" he broke off blushing furiously.

"What happened?" Remus couldn't keep it in anymore and was laughing, Peter looked rather confused as to what was so funny, Sirius was blushing and gave a nervous chuckle.

"Uuhhh, how about we go and play quidditch?" both James and Sirius started to make their way to their brooms when a hand landed on each of their shoulders forcing them on the couch by the fire. Remus made himself comfortable on a chair next to them motioning Peter to do the same his face was red from all the laughing, but he didn't look like he would give up trying to get the story out of them.

"What happened?" he asked a little more forcibly then he meant.

"Well he pounced me and sort of missed, he was aiming for my midsection but kind of ended up a little off target and a little more south." Remus fell off the chair from laughing so hard, even Peter who didn't completely get the picture was laughing along with him, although he managed the decency to stay in his seat.

"Oh, this is priceless."

"What is so funny?" Lily entered the common room, a bunch of books wrapped in her arms. She kept glancing from Remus, who had tears now coming out of his eyes from laughing so hard, to James and Sirius, who were no blushing furiously. "He is okay, right?" she was a little worried about Remus's sanity. The other three nodded, Peter managed to stop laughing after Lily had come into the common room.

"Oh, hello Lily." Remus was now blushing a little bit.

"What happened? I have never seen you like that before."

"Oh, we were just sharing and old joke regarding James and Sirius."

"Hmmm, I should probably hear it sometime, but for now I have some books that might help with both the pranks and the other problem. If these books don't help I can probably manage to get Professor Slughorn to allow me into the restricted section and we might be able to come across something useful."

"Yes, Professor Slughorn wouldn't allow his precious, perfect student to not get what she wants."

"Shut up, Potter, I am not the Professors 'precious, perfect student.' And I think that you are being a prick to thing otherwise. I am just a student like you and any other person, the only difference is that I just happen to study, where you just sit around pranking any Slytherin in sight or thinking of how to torture Snape."

"Yeesh, no need for the attitude, Evens." She glared at James but made no comment.

"So the prank?" Remus was eager to change the subject before the argument went any further.

"Well we should probably start reading and then see where that goes; this prank has to be brilliant, beyond anything that the legendary marauders have ever done. It should be so memorable that it could be but in books, it should be made a holiday (and that, dear kiddies, is how April fools became a holiday!)."

"Brilliant, Evens, just brilliant. I think that this'll be a start to a good friendship."

"Don't hold your breath, Potter, but maybe it is, maybe it is."

Yay another chapter done. I thought that it could be funnier, but it works. Oh and remember to review. I'll try and get my next chapter posted sooner.


	4. Chapter 4:omg, i'm gonna die!

Hiya, and thank you my kind reviewers.

No, no, not this.

Chapter 4: Omg, I'm gonna die!

"Hey! Richards, congratulations on making the team! If you see Rant will you tell her that we have the field for practice tomorrow after dinner? I expect you to both be there right after, no dilly-dallying. Got it?"

"Yes, Captain. Ey-yie, captain," Jamie had a cheeky tone in her voice. Hannah Jenkins, the Quidditch captain, glared at Jamie.

"Richards, I take this oncoming match very seriously, we are ahead of the other houses and if we keep our heads straight and keep playing a good match, there is a chance that we will take the cup. Slytherin is in the second lead, and I am sure that you were told of the Slytherin house and their reputation. I don't want to go through the humiliation of having the snakes beat us. I will not have you mess this chance up, you are a good player, almost as good as our previous, I aim to win and you won't stop me. Now, I don't want any tom-foolery, and I expect best performances' seeing as this is my last year."

"And good riddance," Jamie said as Jenkins stormed off. Then she headed up to the common room to get Sarah and tell her about the pitch being booked. As she reached there and told the Fat Lady the password she heard the others talking.

"…and so, yeah." Sarah seemed to finish up whatever she was saying, which was probably just pointless babble, one of Sirius's favorite hobbies.

"Okay…oh, hey Jamie."

"Hey, Rems," James decided to call Remus by his shortened name.

"So, what's going on?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, just Jenkins getting on my back about lateness and a tearful story of her last year. Oh, and get this, she said I was _almost_ as good as the old seeker. Almost? That is just unbelievable."

"Yeah." Sirius responded.

"Yeah, if she knew that I was the previous seeker, she would totally be kicking herself in the a-"

"Say, Jamie, isn't there something else that you should be doing?" Erik asked trying to distract the raving girl from her rant.

"Oh? Would you kindly enlighten me? What exactly am I supposed to be doing right now?"

"Um, the prank, I'm guessing?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, now I remember."

"Idiot," Erik muttered under his breath.

"What? Did you say something?"

"Um, no?"

"Yeah, whatever, I just have to go to the bathroom first." At first Jamie started heading for the guys' dorms until Erik cleared "his" throat and indicated the girls' dorm.

"Oh, um, oops, I'll just go… yeah…bye."

"Ok, that was weird," Sarah muttered looking awkward. Rachel then slapped him in the back of the head. "Ow, hey! What was that for?"

"It just felt like the appropriate thing to do."

"Merlin, you can be so cruel. Hey! You also ruined my hair; I have to make sure that it looks perfect now. Oh, and, Remsy, I've been meaning to ask you something, now that we are girls if we decide to go out with, you know, guys for a while will that make us gay? But if we go out with girls everyone will think that anyway, so I'm really confused, and what if they never change us back, damnit, what will I do?" Sarah started panicking and mumbling, when she started tugging at her hair like a mad-man, humhmm, I totally meant woman, Rachel decided that was a good time to intervene.

"Come on, Sarah, maybe you should take a break, don't think about whom to go out with, or in your case do. Just sit back and think about pranking, and I'm sure that Dumbledore, no matter how mad he seems, will allow this to go on too long. Besides I don't think our families will appreciate or accept this kind of punishment."

"I dunno, my folks are looking for an excuse to get rid of me, they will probably just marry me off the moment I step into that house. Remus, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with the highest bidder, and what if he wants a kid, I don't want to ruin my perfect looks. What if he's shallow? I don't want to be with a shallow person, who will take me on one date and dump me."

"Hypocrite," Erik snorted at how ironic that seemed, "that is exactly what you do, and you are shallow. It would probably serve you right with all the people you hurt."

"Then they shouldn't be stupid enough to go out with me, I mean it probably has gone around the whole school what kind of guy I am about now. It's their bloody faults for not listening."

"God, I knew that you could be a bit picky and noncommittal, but you are just a pompous ass, a total pig. You have absolutely no consideration of others feelings, and feel that everybody is just beneath you, one day it will come back and bite you in the-"

A blood curdling scream was heard, a second later Jamie came running down the girls staircase panicking. Everybody who was in the common room looked over at her with concern and panic. Eric and Sarah ran over to her, Rachel was halfway up from her seat with a book in hand and looked over their way with concern showing on her face. She also looked ready to run at a moments notice if anything was wrong.

"Merlin, what is going on? Are you alright? Do we need to take you to Madam Pomphrey?"

"Oh, my, god. I think I'm dying!"

"Is there anyplace we could go that is empty?" Erik asked Sarah, they all headed up to the boys' dorm with Rachel and Amy in tow. Once they were all in and had the room locked and had a silencing spell performed on it they turned their attention back to Jamie.

"James, what is going on?" Sirius asked in concern (A/N: in case you are confused, I decided to use their actual names now that they are somewhere private, I may not do it all the time though, just to let you know.)

"I don't know, I got up and there was blood in the bowl. Lily, I want you to know that if I die I love you; I wish that we could have gotten married and have twenty kids running around. I…" Everyone but James, who was still ranting, and Peter, who was too stupid to know what was going on, laughed or sighed with relief.

"James, you're not dying!" Lily informed him/her.

"Lily, don't try to reassure me or try to make me hopeful, the first step is to admit your problems. You may not know this but I am human, too," Lily snorted at this, "therefore, making me mortal, that means that I will die someday."

"We all know what mortality is and means, James." Lily snapped.

"As a dying man or in this case woman, Lillian Evans, may you grant me one small favor before I die?"

"James you are not going to die-"

"Lily, I know that this must be devastating for you, but you don't have to pretend to make me happy."

"James, it's just a period."

"Yeah, I even knew that." Sirius decided to enter himself in the conversation.

"I know, it is just my time is all, but I wish that we could have worked things out before I died, oh, god, but it is better this way. You won't have to watch me in agony any longer."

"James, you're not dying, and since when have you been in agony?" Lily was starting to get really irritated by now, it was amusing at first, but she just had no more patience.

"Oh, god the agony, I can see the light, maybe it's a sign. No, I still have to say good-bye. Sirius, I love you mate, and I'm sorry for all the times I nicked your food and blamed it on Peter, and I know that I still owe you that ham sandwich (A/N: hahaha, sorry I couldn't resist it, and to any of you who don't get this you should probably read 'can I have that sandwich?' another story written by yours truly.) and Remus, I'm sorry that I stole your favorite potions book and again blamed it on Peter-"

"That was you?!"

"-and Peter, you still owe everybody 30 gallons for the bet I made for you. Oh, how I will miss you all so much."

"Damnit, James you are not going to die if I can help it, remember our agreement we are going to go together, if you're dying I'm going with you."

"James isn't dying, remember?"

"Oh, right. Damnit, Jamsie man, snap out of it." With that Sirius went over and slapped James on the face.

"What'ch you do that for? Do you always go around slapping dying people on the face?"

"Sorry, mate. Wait, you're dying?"

"SIRIUS!"

"Oh, right. Damnit, Jamsie-"

"Oh, for crying out loud, Potter, you are not, I repeat, NOT dying; you are just having what is known as a period. And before you start, they are not painful, so don't even start that song of woe and misery, and you don't die from them. All you have to do is- Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Oh, he looked a little pale and he was going down so I thought it was a perfect time to give him CPR, man, it probably would have looked hot though, I wish I was where you are standing. Hey! Remsy, why don't you come over here and give him CPR and I'll watch."

"That is sick!" both Remus and Lily said at the same time, identical disgusted looks on their faces.

"Get off me, man, I don't need this CPR thing that your are talking about, where did you hear that crap anyway?"

"I don't know, Remus?"

"Did you?"

"It's a Muggle method, but that doesn't matter now, are you convinced that you're not dying?"

"I'm not dying? What a relief! I was just about to ask Lily to marry me, though."

"Pity, mate."

"Yeah, I know."

Review, review, review. I refuse to update until I get my reviews because I'm just that greedy.

I will admit that this chapter was not as good as the original that was written but that one got lost the night before I was going to post it, it took me a little while to put this one up. I hope that it was good, and that you enjoyed it. I tried to make James as comically dramatic as possible, but I wish that I had to original. I may have over done it with Sirius, though.

Please review, I am looking forward to your thought and opinions no matter how negative they are. It will greatly help with future updates and other stories I write.

Yay! One of the marauders finally got their period, I am still trying to figure out if I should have Sirius have his little makeout session with himself, or if I should do the others as well. I guess it's only fair.


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